Tag Archives: motherhood

My new super power

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I have often wondered about how we are all born with special abilities in life. Some can do complex math problems in their head, some can fly planes (which I think is seriously cool) okay so this is something you learn but I am sure you are born or nurtured in to thinking I will put X number of peoples’ lives in to my hands and fly them great distances. Some like my mum can never lose their patience with their off-spring even when their youngest is 32 (me).  Take my Hriday he has this abilitiy to never be angry with me even after I lose patience with him at least once a day (okay at least 10 times a day give or take to the nearest 100.)

And then there is me… personally I blame it on the hormones.

1)    The ability to sleep standing up, sitting down, while eating and cooking except for when you are actually trying to sleep. Also while driving I slap myself awake for this fun activity!

2)    The ability to pee at any given opportunity and then some. Ability to go to loo (what we British people call the toilet) before bed, while climbing upstairs the urge to go again, maybe one last time before I actually get into to bed, while applying cream sitting on the said bed, maybe one more time just after switching the lights off and then every 10 minutes the bubba kicks you on the bladder. So here I explained about 10 minutes of my day, can you imagine the rest of the day? I give the stink eye to anyone at work who stay in the loo for more than 30 seconds. That’s how long I can last right now.

3)    The ability to shoot down any suggestion or advice from my husband. Typical conversation with my husband:

Me: I think I am getting heartburn!

Husband: well what would you normally do when you get heartburn?

Me: Have some milk.. STOOOPID!!

Husband: Okay..

Me: I am waiting!

Husband: Oh uh…would you like me to get you a glass of milk?

Me: No! I don’t want any f****** milk!

Hriday: Mummy can I have a cuddle?

Me: ‘Of course sweety come here. I love you so much!’ followed by kisses and lots of cuddles!

Husband looking a little bewildered and has a what just happened look on his face. Seriously men! At least Hriday understand how to turn me into a nice human from an ogre!

4)    Ability to grow hair faster than you can say ‘unwanted hair!’ Seriously hair on my head full, shiny, long and lustrous (which I LOVE!). Do I want to same everywhere else?

NO THANK YOU!!

5)    The ability to look sexy.

A very cute guy friend:  ‘”Wow! You look really hot!”

Me: Oh um.. thanks!

Cute friend: “No.. you look really hot!”

Me: Again…thanks but stop!

Cute friend: No… I mean you are all red! Are you ok?

Me: silently crossing him from my cute guy list!

6)    The ability to feel like crap pretty much the whole 9 months and also conveniently forgetting that you have to get it out of you at the end of it all… somehow!

7) I swear if one more person tells me I am glowing! I will lose the ability to remain calm and kick their face! Well I will try to aim for their face anyway! People its face sweat! I don’t need to be reminded of it!

So there you have it folks if you are thinking of getting pregnant and if not still do it now and I mean now! It’s so much fun! No seriously it is {secretly doing the mwahahahahaha laugh}.  Go run home or where ever that takes your fancy and just do it! You will thank me for years!  Well at least till the kid goes to college and then you will hunt me down.

Also this was my way of telling you I am 3 months away from losing all these abilities.  No adorable pictures of husband and me doing cute pregnancy announcements or photos.  I don’t want to fool anyone and also I can’t be bothered. Frankly I would rather sleep.

p.s: For the record I don’t swear- at least not in front of Hriday.  The F word used in the conversation with my husband did not contain the letters U, C and K in it… just so you know.

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